Nektir

I crave intimate socializing. And I’m surprised that I do.

Tonight will be the first evening where I will not be spending my time with one or two other people but alone. And for some reason my natural instinct is to seek out someone to spend time with. Though the parameters are specific, only one person at a time and someone that I feel less restrained with.

I’m just so surprised that I don’t feel a comfort or even a need to be on my own. Am I becoming dependent?

One thing that I have noticed is that at the very least, I’m seeking something new to refresh me. Something different to get my juices flowing again. I’m not sure if I’m expecting that from the person (considering my group is small and tight-knit, what could I possibly learn tonight that I don’t already know) or the fact that I just want to pull myself out to get something different to eat. Sometimes it’s really just about the food. Maybe this is the return of a craving even?

Cravings and the lack thereof aside, it isn’t as if I haven’t dined by myself before though usually at more casual places than not. So why doesn’t that appeal right now? Could I really want to feed off of someone else’s energy?

It feels like I’ve become less apt at being single. Not in the way of chasing down boyfriends of the week but in being content with spending time by myself. Is it a product of getting used to spending so much time with someone else or the result of a loss of self? Sometimes those two seem to go hand in hand.

&nsbp;

Head: Other Event Planning and meandering

Heart: None

Tummy: Spoonful orange marzipan yogurt, white nectarine, handful blueberries, 2 pieces of fried chicken, many bites of Kraft Dinner, and a few strands of spinach

Vitals: Bad